New from Kevin Wozniak on Kevflix: 2022 NFL Draft – Movie Edition

Kevflix has always been a website about movies, with the occasional dabble into some TV. But my first love before getting into writing about movies was sports and it is something I am still very passionate about. Since I can remember, I’ve always loved sports.  I have my favorites to play and watch, but I don’t discriminate against any sport.  Whether something as popular as basketball or a sport so random it might not even be classified as a sport, I’ll watch it and try to play it all.

This week, the 2022 NFL Draft is taking place, so in honor of the draft, I am going to do a mock draft of the first ten picks of the 2022 draft.  Then, using my knowledge of each team, along with some real 2022 NFL mock drafts to see what the teams need, I am going to draft them a player from a football movie that would actually make an impact on their team and one that I could realistically see the team drafting if they were real.

For a football movie to be eligible, the movie must be fiction, so sorry Remember the Titans, The Express, Friday Night Lights, and others.  All fictional movie characters are eligible, even if they were in high school, prison, or are older than draft picks would usually be.

 

#1 PICK – JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS

The Jacksonville Jaguars select…

Chadwick Boseman in DRAFT DAY
Chadwick Boseman as Vontae Mack in Draft Day

VONTAE MACK, DEFENSIVE END (Draft Day)

  • The Jaguars spend a lot of money on offense this off-season, adding wide receivers Christian Kirk and Zay Jones and tight end Evan Engram to help second-year franchise quarterback Trevor Lawrence. The defense is a mess, however, and that is where Vontae Mack will make a huge difference. Mack was a monster at Ohio St., tearing through offensive lines and terrorizing quarterbacks all season, including Heisman Trophy winner Bo Callahan. There are some talented edge rushers in this year’s draft, but it’s Vontae Mack, no matter what.

#2 PICK – DETROIT LIONS

The Detroit Lions select…

Lawrence Taylor in ANY GIVEN SUNDAY
Lawrence Taylor as Luther ‘Shark’ Lavay in Any Given Sunday

LUTHER “SHARK” LAVAY, DEFENSIVE END (Any Given Sunday)

  • The Detroit Lions have something brewing on the offensive side. Quarterback Jared Goff had a solid year, the running back duo of Deandre Swift and Jamaal Williams is really solid, and Amon-Ra St. Brown has a sensational rookie season. Defense is what killed the Lions last season and Luther ‘Shark’ Lavay would make them legitimate instantly. Lavay has been compared to Hall of Fame linebacker Lawrence Taylor, which is a bold but accurate description. Lavay is a beast and, at times, an unstoppable force on the field. Lions coach Dan Campbell is passionate and a little crazy, which will match perfectly with Lavay’s intensity. Kirk Cousins, Aaron Rodgers, and Justin Fields should be terrified if they see Lavay on the field.

#3 PICK – HOUSTON TEXANS

The Houston Texans select…

Shawna Waldron in LITTLE GIANTS
Shawna Waldron as Becky ‘Ice Box’ O’Shea in Little Giants

BECKY “ICEBOX” O’SHEALINEBACKER/FULL BACK (The Little Giants)

  • Where to begin with the Texans? They’re free of the Deshaun Watson drama and are in serious rebuilding mode with new head coach Lovie Smith. The offense has more promise than the defense, so that’s where the Texans should draft. Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea will immediately improve the Texans’ terrible defense. She has a leadership quality that will remind Texans fans of JJ Watt and she will take down anyone who comes at her. She also has some experience at running back, an area the Texans also need help at. “Ice Box” could be a duel threat, unlike anything we’ve ever seen before.

#4 PICK – NEW YORK JETS

The New York Jets select…

Michael Irvin in THE LONGEST YARD
Michael Irvin as Deacon Moss in The Longest Yard

DEACON MOSS, WIDE RECEIVER (The Longest Yard)

  • Deacon Moss is the most talented received in the draft, many touting him as the next Michael Irvin (*wink wink*). This is a no-brainer decision for the lowly Jets. The Jets are invested in young quarterback Zach Wilson and they need to get him weapons. Rookie running back Michael Carter showed promise last year, but Wilson needs someone to throw the ball to. Moss is a big, strong, fast receiver that would become Wilson’s favorite target.

#5 PICK – NEW YORK GIANTS

The New York Giants select…

Ace Yonamine in The Replacements
Ace Yonamine as Fumiko in The Replacements

JUMBO FUMIKO, OFFENSIVE TACKLE (The Replacements)

  • With names like Saquon Barkley, Kenny Golladay, Kadarious Toney, and Darius Slayton you’d expect the Giants to have a high-powered offense behind quarterback Daniel Jones. The problem is they couldn’t stay healthy last year. Assuming everyone stays healthy in 2022, the Giants need to protect Jones and give him time to through while also getting someone who can make a hole for Saquan to burst through. Fumiko is a beast of a lineman who will give a much-needed boost to the Giants’ o-line.

#6 PICK – CAROLINA PANTHERS

The Carolina Panthers select…

Jamie Foxx in ANY GIVEN SUNDAY
Jamie Foxx as ‘Steamin’ Willie Beamen in Any Given Sunday

‘STEAMIN’ WILLIE BEAMEN, QUARTERBACK (Any Given Sunday)

  • The Carolina Panthers played three quarterbacks last season, none of which played well. Sam Darnold is a turnover machine, Cam Newton can’t throw, and PJ Walker is a forever backup. They need a franchise quarterback and one who can get the ball to DJ Moore, Robby Anderson, and All-Pro running back Christian McCaffery. Willie Beamen is cocky, raw, and extremely talented. He’s a franchise quarterback and that would easily put the Panthers in wild card contention in 2022.

#7 PICK – NEW YORK GIANTS

The New York Giants select…

Adam Sandler in THE WATERBOY
Adam Sandler as Bobby Boucher in The Waterboy

BOBBY BOUCHER, DEFENSIVE END (The Waterboy)

  • Fumiko was the safe pick at four, but the Giants need someone to make a splash. Bobby Boucher might be sweet in interviews and love his momma, but he’s a monster on the field. He led the South Central Louisiana State Mud Dogs to a Bourbon Bowl victory by doing everything on the field, including getting his teammates water. Boucher would be a shot of life to the Giants’ defense and the franchise. There is worry the small-town Boucher might fold under the New York pressure, but as long as he has clean water and Vicky Vallencourt by his side, Boucher would make the Giants a force to be reckoned with in the NFC East.

#8 PICK –ATLANTA FALCONS

The Atlanta Falcons select…

Cuba Gooding Jr. in JERRY MAGUIRE
Cuba Gooding Jr. as Rod Tidwell in Jerry Maguire

ROD TIDWELL, WIDE RECEIVER (Jerry Maguire)

  • The Falcons are an absolute mess. Future Hall of Fame quarterback Matt Ryan is now in Indianapolis, star wide receiver Calvin Ridley is suspended for at least a year for a gambling violation, they have a horrendous defense and their best offensive player is 31-year-old journeyman Cordarrelle Patterson. Marcus Mariota is the new quarterback of the Falcons and he needs a weapon. Tidwell is that weapon. The slot receiver is as tough as they come and catches everything that comes near him. Mariota would lean heavily on Tidwell, especially when facing pressure. Tidwell and second-year tight end Kyle Pitts, bound to improve from his rookie season, could be a formidable duo in the NFC South.

#9 PICK – SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

The Seattle Seahawks select…

Burt Reynolds and Adam Sandler in THE LONGEST YARD
Burt Reynolds as Nate Scarborough and Adam Sandler as Paul Crewe in The Longest Yard

PAUL CREWE, QUARTERBACK (The Longest Yard)

  • The Seahawks traded future Hall of Fame quarterback Russell Wilson to the Denver Broncos for a bunch of picks and quarterback Drew Lock. I can’t imagine coach Pete Carroll and the rest of the organization is ready to go with Lock as their starter, so I see them grabbing a quarterback here. Despite some off-field issues, Paul Crewe is a stud quarterback. He has a wicked arm, terrific vision, and great leadership qualities. DK Metcalf will love having Crewe throwing him the ball downfield and Crewe will keep the Seahawks competitive in the tough NFC West.

#10 PICK – NEW YORK JETS

The New York Jets select…

Tom Cruise in ALL THE RIGHT MOVES
Tom Cruise as Stefan ‘Stef’ Djordjevic in All the Right Moves

STEFAN ‘STEF’ DJORDJEVIC, CORNERBACK (All the Right Moves)

  • The Jets get an explosive player on offense with Deacon Moss, but they need to improve on the defensive side as well. With superstar wide receiver Tyreek Hill going to the Dolphins and the Bills having one of the best offenses in the league, the Jets need to protect the outside. Djordjevic is coming in raw, but he’s determined and gritty. He can cover all over the field and is one of the smartest players in this year’s draft. He might not be fully developed yet, but Djordjevic’s ceiling is incredibly high.

 

STILL IN THE DRAFT ROOM

JOEY BATTLE, LINEBACKER (The Longest Yard)

BILLY BOB, OFFENSIVE TACKLE (Varsity Blues)

SHANE FALCO, QUARTERBACK (The Replacements)

JENKO, WIDE RECEIVER (22 Jump Street)

ALVIN MACK, LINEBACKER (The Program)

EARL MEGGETT, RUNNING BACK (The Longest Yard)

BRIAN MURPHY, TIGHT END (Draft Day)

JULIAN WASHINGTON, RUNNING BACK (Any Given Sunday)

 

 

 

 

 

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